4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
