What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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