Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
