Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you will always have a special place in my vag
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
