she was so not down for the gang bang
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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