You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
