I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Farmville is her only friend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
