Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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