3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
