He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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