Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
