just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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