also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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