you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
