all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
