Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this just has baby written all over it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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