note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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