I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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