the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
