As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
