I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
