so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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