Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
