I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
