your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
