either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
is it fun? or sober?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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