I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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