Your tits are I can't wait for
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
