Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
