Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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