Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
