So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
honey bunches of taint.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
