I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
