The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
