If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
