I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
