The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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