Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
