the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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