I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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