wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
