I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
