i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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