I think my fart just growled at me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
