This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
