i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
