i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
