Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
