I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
