why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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