Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
