Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
