Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
